The Conversation, Part 1

I am currently reading The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships by Hill Harper. While I received this book as a gift for Christmas, I am just now finding the time to really delve into it and I have to admit that it is by far the best relationship book that I have read. I also believe that Steve Harvey's book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man was a very helpful and valuable book but Harper's book has taken me to a deeper level of thinking about relationships. In particular the chapter entitled "He Say / She Say: Who's to Blame" where Harper talks about stereotypes that black men and women hold about each other and how those stereotypes can ruin our relationships and/or keep us from accepting truly committed loving relationships.

He Say:

1. Black Women are always angry;
2. Black women have an "I don't need a man" attitude;
3. Black women are sexually repressed;
4. Black women use pregnancy to trap men;
5. Black women let themselves go;
6. Black women are gold diggers (I found this one personally intersting because someone recently said this about me although I seriously doubt that you can find another person to second that notion);
7. Black women travel in packs.

She Say:

1. Black men are lazy;
2. Black men are playas;
3. When black men become successful they don't want to date black women;
4. Black men don't take on financial responsibility;
5. Black men are sexist and misogynist (another personal interest. If I had a dollar for everytime a man called me a bitch or tried to make me feel inferior because of my education, I'd be rich)

I can relate to many of these comments thru personal experiences and stories from my friends (male and female) but I never really thought about how these views are a primary source to the breakdown of black relationships. I agree with Harper in that these views can keep us sepearted and can "absolutely affect the way we relate to each other". It is not my personal belief that all black men or black women are representations of these views but I can definately see the legitimacy in these comments. I also believe that black men and women need to adjust their attitudes about each other if they ever expect to have successful, positive relationships with one another. What do you think?

Again I am am truely enjoying this book so look forward to more posts from me discussing it. But in the meantime, I will leave you with this quote from the book:

"Be mindful of what [you] reinforce by thought, word and deed"

Peace & Love,

Rae